Tales from a TechnoTard

There are millions of us out there -- relatively intelligent people trying to harness the power of modern technology for the good of all, but who are thwarted at every turn. Even when we seemingly do everything right, we still manange to get an "error" message or general "fail" on our endeavor.

This is the (really short) story of one such TechnoTard: 

Although I have been a proud possessor of an Apple iPhone 4 (still hate my server, you know who they are) for over eight months, and have mastered (slowly) just about every function and feature there is on it, I was baffled a couple days ago because it would not ring when someone called. I checked the volume, good. I checked the settings area and even changed my ringtone, good. Still, no ring when a call came in. Totally perplexed, I handed my phone to my differently-enableled (non-TechnoTard) cowoker who has seemingly had an iPhone since before they were even invented, and in two seconds, he removed the bumper case and  fixed the problem. 

I had forgotten all about the (handy?) silencer slide button on the side of the phone. Call me old-school, but when I don't want something to make a sound, I shut the thing off or turn the volume way down. I'm not used to a separate "silence" button.  (Yes, I have mastered the "mute" button on my TV, shut up!).

I guess this is a long way to go to point out that "obviousness is in the eye of the beholder."  And while some of us may be TechnoTards, I bet there are things we are great at, that the Technology-enabled aren't. I can't think of any of those things right now, but I bet there are some. 

So why the long diatribe on this? Because we TechnoTards are made to feel bad about our malady. Like when the wireless printer will print everyone else's document but ours. Or when the attachment to our e-mail somehow becomes unattached. It's always labeled a PIC (problem in chair) error. Well, mark my words, the time will come when we TechnoTards will rise up and oppose our Technology-Saavy overlords. I'd tell you what the date is right now, but I can't get my "Outlook" to open. (Sigh!)

Comments

[Greg Roy]

My car clock is fine. The clock on my microwave is flashing, though.

[steeb]

Greg,
I guess this explains why your car clock is an hour off.

[Greg Roy]

Thanks for understanding. You should post this as blog.

-G

[Russ Tate]

Greg, despite your TechnoTardism, you are a fine and talented fellow. Besides, you are in good company.

Acute TechnoTardism (sometimes referred to as TechnoMoronism or TechnoTwitism) was first depicted on cave walls by ancient humans mocking some poor caveguy's complete inability to rub 2 sticks together to start a fire.

In more recent times, although never proven, it is suspected by many esteemed TechnoTardologists that Thomas Edison was actually a TechnoTard, and that's the real reason it took him over 1,000 tries to invent the light bulb.

Kim Kardashian, Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton and Homer Simpson are also famous TechnoTards... which proves that even people with TechnoTardistic tendencies can still be successful.

There are rumors that the ATRI (American TechnoTard Research Institute)is nowhere near close to finding a cure. So there's no hope. That being said, there are exercises you can do that will help. For example, locate the most important buttons on the electronic devices you use most and practice pushing them. For example, with the mute button on your iPhone, find it, relax in a comfy chair, and then turn it on and off 10,000 times. This will imprint its purpose and make its correct usage second nature. Good luck!